According to Wapcar automotive news, more than 300 million people worldwide are feverishly browsing more than 1,500 apps to find love. But forget about Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge, because I think I’ve found a surefire solution to dating: Land Rover.
This is a revelation that came to me a few weeks ago when I, along with TG pie and off-road enthusiast Simon Bond, decided to organize a short weekend off-road expedition in Wales. The plan is very similar to our hyper-terrain test – break away from civilization and phone signal by staying in cottages in the impressive Trallwm forest before hitting some rough public roads, The most ghastly and narrowest Wales has had to offer. It’s just that this time we’ve had the luxury of not having to stop to put “a little more right hand” every two minutes to take pictures. I know what you’re thinking: this sounds like a bus driver’s vacation. And it is kind.
But over the past few months, I’ve found Land Rover Defender to be a real catalyst. He’s yelling at you from your driveway to go do something fun on your weekend. Go deeper, explore nature and get lost a little to get lost a little. So in Wales we went exploring. Well, we tried. A guy named Ed Sheeran got us all behind in a 15-mile traffic jam on the M4. But when Simon and his old ’90s girlfriend suffocated with diesel fumes and suffered from tinnitus (a test error for any relationship), the new Defender sped for miles and delivered comfortably while shocking our wallets after draining the fuel. Char. At the height of the fuel crisis, I hit a new PB of £175 to spill everything. However, just like Bondy in the 90s, we still had to scream at each other to get over the annoying wind from the lunch box and the ladder next door.
The next morning, we went to Strata Florida and fortunately came across the off-road team I had met in Slindon a few weeks ago. That’s when I noticed everyone was in a relationship, making it the most gender-balanced photo shoot in the history of automotive journalism. We formed a conga and hit it all together – though with many of the new Defender’s cameras, Bonnet technology is transparent (allows you to see through metal like a superhero so you don’t have to nerf down) before a thug) and extremely smart Terrain Response, which makes it – if we’re being honest – a bit too easy.
In fact, it easily flew over the steepest part of the famous “Bomb Hole” on the road without the need for a differential lock. It sent stiff heads spinning as they struggled and ignited the Irish wheels dancing on clutches and brakes to speed up their old Discos and Defenders. But even as we were in the latest sparkling Defender and new inside-wheelers, we were immediately welcomed into the Land Rover community. A loving family that seemed so full of love that I desperately needed to know more about it. “Love me, love my Land Rover,” said Laura, a part-time driver of a straight-up old Defender 90 with a sly winch that only works when you don’t need it.
Becca ‘Bear’ Davies (who likes to have a deep axle in ‘Doris’, her big 90’s wheel) had similar things to say. It’s always exciting to get stuck and see people coming together to help each other – even people you might just meet that day or weekend. No one is afraid of getting dirty!
Interestingly, what I didn’t realize is that all the off-road enthusiasts seem to be christening their cars, with two Dorises and a Delilah with us this weekend. But should we call our own? And what did the couple think? If you can get past the fact that you’re basically driving a very comfortable air-conditioned couch, that’s really impressive, says Laura. But she has to say that it feels a bit like cheating when you’re going through obstacles that require some serious skill to overcome something a little more rustic. She didn’t assume how good this would be and she is happy to admit how impressed she was, but feel free to let herself know her very loud ’90s sound any time.
Others hate the fake plastic panel, the width and the lack of cohesion. It’s obviously far superior on the road, but off-road it’s not as exciting, says James. You feel very isolated from the action, protected by state-of-the-art electronics. He likes manual gearshifts, differential locking, etc.
But if you have a Defender, I can only recommend a weekend like this. And encourage you to talk to everyone in the LR community that is so welcoming. And if you’re tired of ax throwing, the Hollywood Bowl, or a cheeky Nandos, you can use a defender as a proper date. It is also a good market. Recent research has shown that the average American spends $121,082.40 on dating in their lifetime, far more than our Defenders. So go ahead and buy a Defender. If the Land Rover community is any indication, this could be the answer to a long-term relationship.
